“Come on,” he said softly ad he pulled her to her feet. Pausing long enough to grab a fresh hand towel off the counter, Mamoru led the two of them to the small table in the back of the room. Once seated on the benches, he reached up and began to wipe away the tears on her cheeks with the small towel. For Hannah it was sweet but also embarrassing.
“I’m okay. I promise,” she babbled in an effort to try and save what was left of her dignity. “It is just my allergies. Too much tobacco smoke. And your friends are waiting. Don’t worry. I’m okay.”
Satisfied with his work, Mamoru put down the towel and grabbed her other hand. “Don’t worry about the taxi, Ha-chan. I can get another. What is wrong? Please tell me.”
So many thoughts were racing through her head that Hannah didn’t know what to do or even what to think. Should she be honest? Should she insist she is okay? Finally she decided to open her mouth and just let the words fall out.
“I’m sorry. I really am,” she said as tears began to spill out once again. “I know we are just friends and will only be friends. But I can’t stop thinking about you. Whenever anything happens, you are one of the first people I want to tell. I’ve tried to stop my feelings. I’ve tried to find someone else. And I’ve tried to be happy with just the short time we share. Every minute with you is so troublesome; I am so happy but I also hurt. It is like Heaven and Hell at the same time. There are days when I think I am special to you, and then there are days when I think I am only a customer.”
She paused for a moment to calm down and wipe away the tears now dripping onto her shirt.
“I shouldn’t say this. It is stupid, it is not a good idea, and I will probably regret it but,” deep inhale, “I think I might love you. And I am scared that, even if you never love me and even if I find someone else to love, a part of me always will love you.”
Groaning, Hannah buried her face in her hands. “I’m sorry,” she repeated in a muffled tone. “I shouldn’t tell you this. You said we are friends, and that is okay. It is enough for me. I am happy being friends.”
Mamoru was silent. As time passed by Hannah became afraid that this was going to be the end of them. Several emotions seemed to cross his face, and it was like he couldn’t decide which one was the most appropriate for this situation.
Suddenly he seemed to relax. It was as if the answer he was looking for was suddenly revealed to him. Sliding over so that he was right by Hannah’s side, he leaned in and whispered softly into her ear “Ha-chan, I have a secret, I like you.”
Time froze for Hannah. She could see people moving around them but none of it registered with her; all the sounds in the room faded into white noise. The only thing that kept her grounded in reality was the feeling of Mamoru’s breath brushing against her ear.
“I am sorry, Ha-chan,” he continued. “I said friends only, But I like you. Not like a friend. I lied.”
When she looked into his eye, Hannah’s heart broke a little. So much regret and disappointment was brewing within them.
“I didn’t want to hurt you. But I did; I made you cry.” Unable to handle the guilt he was feeling. Mamoru gazed at the floor; part of him was afraid that if he looked at the girl next to him, he may begin to cry himself.
“Please don’t cry anymore, Ha-chan,” he pleaded quietly. “It hurts when you cry.”
Hannah was dumbstruck. She had been dreaming and fantasizing about this day for so long, but now that it was here, she had no idea what to say. Everything that she was planned on saying has suddenly escaped her mind.
Swallowing hard, Hannah reached over and clasped her hand around Mamoru’s causing him to jerk his head up. Meeting his eyes, Hannah smiled weakly. “It’s okay, Mamoru, It is okay.”
“Eh?!” He gasped in shock. “No! Not okay. I hurt you. I lied. I…”
“Why,” she interrupted.
“Eh?”
“Why did you lie? Why did you say ‘only friends’?”
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