“Ha-chan… of course I would miss you. “ Mamoru’s voice was filled with disbelief and anguish. “Why do you think I wouldn’t? You are my best friend.”
Hearing him say those words cut straight through her heart. Every time he called her his best friend, she desperately wanted to believe him. But none of his actions have every shown that he thought of her as a best friend. So what did she believe: his actions or his words?
She lifted her head to look at the man sitting across from her; he no longer looked like the man she first met. Gone was his wild hair and slightly cocky smile. Now he seemed so broken.
Hannah’s resolve was weakening. She could tell the drama from last night affected him as badly as it had affected her. It might be a little twisted, but his distress comforted Hannah; it gave her hope that maybe he everything he said last night was true.
“Last night you said you loved me,” Hannah said slowly. “Today, do you still love me?”
The sound of the clock was deafening as Hannah waited for him reply. Even though he said he meant every word from last night, part of her needed to hear him say that he loved her. She knew that she would never be able to fully move on without some kind of verbal confession or rejection.
Bracing herself for the worst, Hannah glanced up to meet Mamoru’s eyes and felt a shock run through her. The storm of regret and confusion had dissipated and all that was left was confidence with a hint of amusement. Suddenly he looked like the Mamoru that had captured her heart.
Slipping silently out of his chair, Mamoru walked over to her and knelt down.
“Yes,” he said quietly. A small fire started burning deep in Hannah’s soul as he placed both of his hands on her knees. “I do. Before we met, I was happy without you. Now I can’t be happy without you. I need you, Hannah.”
A shudder ran down her spine. Since the day they met, Mamoru never used her full name unless he was explaining to someone why he called her Ha-chan. To hear him finally use it was….exciting.
His words, his touch, his smell. Everything was causing Hannah to rethink last night’s decision. At this very moment she wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of her life living happily with this man.
“What will change?”
Hannah’s blood ran cold. She wanted to tell him that she felt the same way, but her mind rebelled and asked the one question that could cause her to have a great start to a good weekend or a horrible start to a terrible one.
“What?”
A headache was starting to form in the middle of Hannah’s forehead. Why did she have to fall in love with the densest man on Earth? With a soft sigh, she reached down and placed her hands over his. “How will our relationship change?”
“We will be boyfriend and girlfriend.”
The headache started to pound. “Of course we will be boyfriend and girlfriend, Mamoru. But what does that mean? What will change? Will we talk more? Email more? Take trips to visit each other?”
“I don’t know.”
“Of course you don’t,” she muttered softly.”You never know.”
Glancing at the clock, Hannah felt a rush of relief; there was only a few minutes left of the trial. “Oh, we only have a few minutes left. Anything else you want to talk about?”
“Yes. Today, do you still love me?”
Her mouth went dry. Although it was a perfectly logical question after the things that were said last night, Hannah wasn’t expecting him to ask it.
And after everything he just said, she was conflicted. The Mamoru she’s seeing right now is the one she desired for so long. He was the right amount of confident and shy and was saying all the right things.
But how long would this Mamoru stay around. History shows that the kind, attentive, and sweet talking Mamoru would only be around for a little while. After a week or two he always starts to drift away until something scared him into sweet mode once again. What if that pattern didn’t change after they started dating? Hannah could suffer through a hot and cold friendship but not a relationship.
“Yes, I do. But,” she said quickly to stop the excitement growing in his eyes. “I can’t be your girlfriend. I’m sorry.”
Those few words destroyed Mamoru. The confidence in his eyes disappeared as his body slumped forward.
“Wakarani,” he mumbled in Japanese. “Why? I don’t understand.”
“Because you love me today. And you loved me yesterday. But I don’t think you’ll love me next week.” A tear ran down her cheek as her throat closed up. In an effort to reign in her emotions, Hannah squeezed her hands. A jolt went through her when she felts her hands flex around something soft but firm; she forgot that Mamoru’s hands were resting on her knees.
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